Many of you may know already, but I have gone back to school. I made the decision to go back and get my degree in Medical Office Administration and Healthcare Management. I have found that I really enjoy being in the healthcare field and helping people. So far, this has kept me very busy. Working a full-time job and then school is quite time consuming, yet hopefully will prove rewarding.
A new update on my life is: as of June 29, I am an employee of the Randolph Cancer Center. This was a huge answer to prayer! This has always been my dream destination, even before mom had been diagnosed with cancer. Since her diagnosis, I realized even more that I wanted to work there. I was ecstatic to get the job and am enjoying it so much. I may not actually give the patient medical care, but I am blessed to be able to assist in their journey. Cancer isn't an easy road, and spending hours every week getting treatment isn't fun for anyone. It's interesting to look back at my day and see how many of these patients actually bless me. The ones who are coming in daily for chemo or radiation, those who are having their first appointment or graduating from radiation/chemo.....they fight, they persevere, they stand strong. Cancer changes everything in your life. It changes your current situation and your outlook on life. It pushes you to be stronger and fight harder. It brings about a deeper Hope in the only anchor we have.
Lately, I have found myself feeling as though I have distanced myself from God. I have had moments of anger and asking why. I thought those feelings were gone, but they still come and go. I feel His presence, constantly trying to pick me up and lead me on and I keep fighting it. Maybe if I let Him lead I won't like where He takes me. What if He pushes me to live outside my comfort zone? What if the path is nothing like what I had planned? What if it brings about emotions I don't want to show? What if???? I wish I could quit asking these questions. I wish my faith was as strong as my moms. I never heard her ask those what if questions. She knew that questioning didn't change a thing. She knew the path God had prepared for her had a reason behind it. She knew He would leave and guide her every second of every day. I doubt constantly. I am unsure of my life and where I'm going. God did guide me to my hearts desire of working at the Cancer Center. It hasn't exactly been in my comfort zone. It hasn't always been easy to check in sick patients. Some days I look out and can see Mom sitting out there. Sometimes the memories all flood back with a call from the Hospice House. I see the nurses and their care for others and am reminded of how they cared for my mom and how they care for each person that walks in the doors. I see the extra hours the doctors put in to ensure that everyone is receiving the care they need and deserve. I see the commitment of the schedulers as they make sure each patient has everything lined up. There are so many people that come together to treat these patients, and I feel proud to work for such a great place. I know in my heart now, that what God has planned isn't always easy. It's not always full of smiles and laughter. Sometimes those sleepless nights remind you that life here on earth isn't a forever thing. Often the hardest things in life bring about the biggest blessings and deepest yearning for our forever Home.
These several weeks of work have been, in many ways, a gift. I don't know these patients personally. I don't know all their stories or background. I don't even know specifically what is wrong with many of them. One thing I do see is how many of them stand strong. Many of them seem to look at their illness head on. These patients have grace and a joy that ONLY comes from Him! Their hearts are open, accepting of treatment, hope, love and guidance. I was sitting at my desk getting some work done during a slower time and overheard 2 men talking. Each of them were waiting on others and were talking about how God was getting them through. How He had a plan, and even though it wasn't easy, it was perfect. Mom had this outlook and it amazed me. I think God truly equips us with the faith necessary to meet those obstacles on our paths. So when I say that these patients have blessed me (only after 2 weeks), I truly mean it. They don't realize it. They may not see their effect each of them has on me and others. We don't often think of how our actions, talk and outlook on life do impact others. When God gives you opportunities, take them. When He puts people in your life to walk with, do it. If He brings someone to mind, pray for them or call them. Life isn't fun walking alone.
We are placed in certain situations as just the right time. God can use us where we are, with what we have, any and every day. You may feel inadequate, lacking certain things, but you aren't. If God can use a young to give birth to the Savior of the world, God can use you to be a friend to someone, give a friendly smile or a warm hug. He can use you to bless others in more ways than you realize. Go. Be. Bless.