I love my church for many reasons, but one reason that has always stuck out to me is our missional emphasis. Each year, all throughout the year, the congregation is met with multiple opportunities to serve individually or with a group. We have many ways to serve in our community, throughout the state and even abroad. In January, the church unveiled the multiple mission trips that we had a chance to participate in, as well as the missionaries we support. As we had our yearly missions fair where you can gather more information and sign up as interested, I found myself eyeing the Thailand table. I really had no idea why Thailand. I didn’t know anything about the country, the language or culture, but I felt myself being tugged to sign up. I walked over to get a little more information, but really all that we knew was that it would be late summer and would most likely be some sort of evangelism with our partner missionaries. Well this was not my normal interest for mission trips. I’ve always done sports camps, VBS, medical mission or something a little more in my comfort zone, something a little more "organized". But for some reason God was leading me towards this trip and I really had no idea why. Isn’t He supposed to use our gifts…because this trip didn’t seem to be in my “box of gifts”. Needless to say I still felt interested and went to the first meeting. The team began coming together and growing. Because of God's provision, I became one of a team of ten heading out to Songkhla Thailand on July 26.
If you know me, you know I’ve always loved the opportunities to serve on mission. I can remember as a young girl going somewhere each summer with the youth group. As I got older, I still was searching for ways to serve. The summers would come around and I would load up and head off to serve, ending with big blessings and seeing God in new and exciting ways. God has always used these trips to teach me something, to grow and strengthen my relationship with Him as well as those around me. An excitement always builds as we plan, prepare and countdown to our departure day. But at our last meeting for Thailand, my excitement began to slowly fade into fear. All my questions and doubts flooded my mind. I began to question whether or not I had made the right decision; if I could physically handle a trip like this (12+ hours on a plane); what if I get sick; and if God was even really calling me there or if I just made the decision on my own to go. All these thoughts and fears swarmed my mind and my heart sank!
Fear…you know that four-letter word that everyone faces at some point throughout their life, maybe even on a regular basis, had hit me hard! I was questioning everything! Anything that could go wrong popped into my head. I immediately found myself realizing I once again was missing my mom who I would be able to go to and talk through it with. She always knew what to say to comfort me. I sure was missing her and the wisdom she would share. Why? Why these feelings now after I've committed? Why with this trip? FEAR!
As Sunday rolled around, our special music that day was the song “Fear is a Liar”.
When he told you you're not good enough
When he told you you're not right
When he told you you're not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you're not worthy
When he told you you're not loved
When he told you you're not beautiful
That you'll never be enough
Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
'Cause fear he is a liar
What powerful words that are so very true! It hit me at this moment that my fear certainly wasn't from the One who paved the way for me to go on this mission trip! How often do we find ourselves tangled in a web of fear, constantly believing all the lies that we just aren't enough. As I listened to this already familiar song, I realized that it wasn't just a song, but God's way of reassuring me that He had led me to this trip.
Last Thursday I received a voicemail from a lady named Patsy who works at the Billy Graham Library. She thanked me for my visit there (from back in February) and hoped I would visit again. She then said that she just wanted me to know that she had prayed Isaiah 41:10 over me that morning.
"Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Out of all the days for me to receive that call, God chose the perfect timing of almost 3 months later. Once again, God was reminding me that He has a plan and He is walking with me, why should I fear?
One thing i love about God is that when He has a point to get across to us, He makes sure that we fully understand. First a song, then prayer of protection and peace.....but He didn't stop there. Saturday morning at the beach was rainy and yucky outside, but still beautiful. I grabbed my cup of coffee and Bible and headed to the ocean view balcony where I could hear the angry waves crashing on the shore. I began to read my devotional that I've been doing "Discerning the Voice of God". We've been going through the different characteristics of God, and this day was titled "Powerful". Of course He's powerful, and we all have read many stories when God displayed His power. As I went through the study, it became more obvious to me that once again, God was reminding me that even in the scariest of storms, He can bring complete peace. Luke 8:22-25 talks about the disciples experience out on the water in a storm and how fearful they were. Jesus calmed the storm then asked "where is your faith?" I began to realize that in my fearfulness, I wasn't just questioning myself, but God. I was questioning His ability to use me, work through my insecurities and be my peace. He knew my heart was torn and gently reminded me three times that if I will focus on Him and His power, all else will fail in comparison. He has big plans for each of us, and this summer, going to Thailand is His plan for me. Through all the questions and fears I have thought about, one thing remains---He is powerful! He is my peace! He is the calm for my storms! He is God!